Why He Never Called Back

If I had an oracle or a magic crystal ball that could answer any question I would need to know 3 things; the cure to cancer, how the Kardashians did it and why are men so confusing. In case you ever wondered what I spend my time thinking about, it’s those three mysteries of life. Thanks to a crash course in the world of dating and a lot of tequila, I may have come closer to figuring out men and why they do the shit they do.  Let’s discuss these findings.

O.M.G. does anyone else’s dating life seem to be cursed or full of bad juju? If not, you’re one of the lucky ones and if so we can cry this out together. I probably won’t cry but if you have to, have an ugly one because this is a safe place.

You’re a traveler, someone who roams from day to day, date to date, guy to guy and none of them left a lasting impression. At least not enough for you to call back or even flinch at the fact that they never called because you’re a real life savage. Then all of a sudden this guy comes along and theres a spark. An instant magnetic connection and you wonder what it is. You think it’s impossible to have established any sort of interest in a complete stranger; he could be a serial killer for Christ’s sake or worse, he could’ve voted for Trump. Then you exchange information and patiently wait for him to text, call or slide in your dm’s. The process goes a little something like this.

Day one: you’re still thinking about that cute guy and that amazing conversation you guys had. You may even be imagining your next interaction and what the conversation will be. You tell your friends a little bit about him and you all plan your wedding.

Day two: Maybe he’s busy at work. Or maybe his dog died. Did he say he had a dog? You wonder if you gave him the right number? Maybe he’s just playing it cool, trying not to call to quick. Then you decide to play it cool too.

Day three: You’re staring at his number in your phone, wondering if you should call. “Maybe thats what he wants”, you tell yourself. You opt to send a text message instead and slowly crumble with each passing minute.

Day four: No word yet so you orchestrate a top level team of spies and assumption makers (as I call them), i.e. your girlfriends. They scour through every Instagram post, tweet and Facebook status they can find, hell they even check out his linked.in account before coming to a conscious conclusion that he’s an ass who doesn’t deserve any more brain power.

Day five: the ever so dramatic block and erase moment is upon you. You find his information in your phone and delete him from your existence, including that lonely never responded to text message you sent days ago.

Day 6: what the fuck went wrong and what did I do?

Here’s where you went wrong, absolutely no where. It sucks to walk around as this empty, unfazed person who one day gets annihilated by cupid. Its like a jolt to the system, you finally feel something for someone and you’re not really sure if its fate, feelings, or indigestion but its nice either way. The best way to handle a guy that never called no matter how amazing the initial interaction was, is to continue being unfazed.

Just because there was a connection doesn’t mean anything was going to work out, or that you found your husband or that you finally had someone to piss off your ex with. My rule is to never put thought into anyone until they deserve it. You can’t drive yourself crazy over every coincidental run in at the deli. If it’s meant to turn into something more it definitely will and there’s nothing that can or will interfere with that.

Sure theres a possibility that they were busy or their dog died or they had the worst week of their life. Maybe there was some wild circumstance that kept them from reaching out or maybe they completely forgot they even met you. If there’s one thing thats for sure, they’re not worth the stress lines or time, no stranger is. Keep living your life until that real connection comes along and they actually text back, then you’re completely allowed to lose your shit.


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