We all have those friendships, relationships or “situationships” that eventually runs into a speed bump, crashes into a nearby ditch and then tragically explodes. Just because the two of you went up in the flames of glory doesn’t mean you have to suffer the lifetime consequences of third degree burns. For those with difficulties letting go, I’ve selflessly decided to volunteer as tribute in hopes of prying the past out of some of your stubborn hands. Here’s how to properly cut someone the fuck off.
This is for all the people out there that somehow feel as though their unhappiness is attached to them at the hip like a siamese twin because its supposed to be. What sort of life is that? So what if the person you hate is a co-worker, or a sibling, or your mother…you deserve to be happy too, right? Then just do it! Chop the excess fat out of your life, rid yourself of toxic people and purge your environment of everything bad or a waste of time. Here’s the three step system:
Step 1: assess the asshole
Alright, that reads way worse than it did in my head but you get the point. Who’s that person in your life or world causing you so much angst and why? Is this an important relationship to you or someone you could do without? You might want to think twice before chopping an important one like a spouse but that doesn’t mean stay either. Just means to carefully look at the situation a little more versus someone like a co worker, they’re not worth that much brain power. After assessing the asshole and imagining a more peaceful life without them move on to step 2.
Step 2: what have you done
Did you really fight the good fight and give this relationship your all? Were you the reason the problem started in the first place or were you just the unfortunate pick of the draw who ended up with a dickhead in your life? This is an important step that requires 100% honesty. If you started a problem and have come to realize you can’t finish it, then you need to take this “L” because you’re just a jerk that finally got a taste of their own medicine. If you didn’t start any problems but are somehow dealing with them from the people surrounding you, remove yourself from the situation. And learn how to do it with a quickness. Especially if you have tried to resolve things but it’s clearly out of your control. Don’t stress, start chopping. Completely isolate yourself from those pesky individuals because they can’t give you problems if you’re not around.
Step 3: Acknowledgement
Now the last and final step which is probably the most difficult is complete acknowledgement. You have to realize that you are the one in control here. Your life is either great or not so great because of your direct or indirect actions. We make our lives what they are which means we have allowed certain people in that weren’t so great for us in the first place. Once you can accept responsibility for allowing these people in, you have officially gained control over who’s permitted to be in your life. Of course there are exceptions to this, like age. Not much you can do about your annoying kid sister if you’re in high school but once you cross the threshold into adulthood, your life becomes your playground and you get to decide who’s allowed in the sandbox.
Its all smooth sailing after this tree step process. Then comes the tedious customization of your contacts and follower lists on social media. Delete their number, unfollow them on the gram and make sure to remain unbothered when they don’t tell you ‘happy birthday’ this year.